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Dr. Leda's Rose Journal Archive |
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Strangers on the Internet
By Dr. Leda Horticulture, O. R.
May, 2005
Once again, Dr. Leda hurls caution to the wind and interacts with potentially dangerous total strangers on the internet...
Dear Dr. Leda:
I don't mean to be nosy, but why do you call yourself "Dr. Leda," if your name is really "Elizabeth"?
—Confused Stranger in Texas
Dear Confused Stranger:
Uh-oh. If a joke falls flat in the forest and nobody gets it, is it still funny? So how many loyal readers out there—raise your hands, please—have not yet figured out the Dr. Leda meme?
Whoa. That's way too many. So here, for those of you who are a little slow on the uptake, is the back story: Legend has it that acerbic literary critic, satirical author, and wickedly funny role model Dorothy Parker (1893 — 1967) was once asked by somebody (heaven knows who or why) to use the word "horticulture" correctly in a sentence. She is said to have replied, without missing a beat, "You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think." (Continued...)
Roses Still in Stock !
While our bareroot rose season has ended, we still have many, many formerly bareroot roses safely in dirt at our Fremont, California nursery. Visit us today!
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Free Rose WallpaperFor a free, monthly high resolution rose wallpaper, subscribe to Marsha's Journal. Coming EventsMore Upcoming Events Setting a Focal Point in Your Garden Growing Cut Flowers in your Garden Coming Events Art in Auction July 9, 10 Harvest of Roses September 10 |
Hence, I have adopted as my nom de keyboard: "Dr. Leda Horticulture."
Other priceless gems from Ms. Parker include the oft-quoted and even more oft-debunked adage, "Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses." And the lesser-known truism, "Brevity is the soul of lingerie," which seems to have better withstood the tests of time.
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| Dr. Leda's garden includes Frederic Mistral, a very fragrant, light pink Hybrid Tea. |
Finally, my personal favorite DP ditty:
"Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Roumania."
Now, aren't you glad you asked?
Dear Dr. Leda:
I enjoyed your recent informative column on scatology and horse manure. Tell me, where do you stand on earthworm manure?
—Curious Stranger in Contra Costa
Dear Curious Stranger:
On a good day, I'm standing up to my elbows in the stuff. I love it! Though not nearly as much as my roses love it.
But as an informative and scatological aside, may I point out that the solid waste products of earthworms are popularly referred to as "castings" rather than "manure"? I have no idea why, but I sort of like it. "Castings" has such a festive ring to it, as if the lowly worms were merrily flinging their tiny turds all around the garden like confetti. Scientists, however, prefer the rather dry and clinical term "excreta," while hobbyists are wont to dignify the subject by calling the stuff "vermicompost."
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| Sombreuil, a thorny and vigerous White Tea, is a climber reportedly free from mildew, making it well suited for Dr. Leda's yard in southern Louisiana. |
But poop by any other name would smell as sweet, and researchers have repeatedly demonstrated that when earthworm whatevers are added to garden soil, the result is improved aeration, porosity, structure, drainage, and moisture-holding capacity. Studies have also shown that vermidoo enhances plant growth, vitality, fruiting, and flowering. It improves germination rates and time, aids in disease resistance, and increases sugar concentration in plant tissue. No wonder worm doo-doo is sometimes heralded as "Mother Nature's most delectable plant treat."
Scientists haven't identified what, specifically, in the castings is producing these amazing results, but they theorize that it might be the presence of molecular growth regulators that imitate beneficial plant hormones. Castings also support dense microbiological communities in the soil, which are always associated with improved plant response. What more could a gardener ask for?
I recently attended a local flower and herb festival, and became overly excited when I spotted a booth that was selling worm castings (which aren't that easy to come by down here in the rural deep south boonies). But imagine my dismay when upon rushing the booth I discovered that the castings had been gaily packaged in cute little 8-ounce baggies, tied up with fancy ribbons and tasteful raffia, and were selling for a breath-taking $8 apiece. Excuse me? I have over 200 roses in my yard, and I think $3200 (that's for a mere one pound per bush) seems a bit excessive, even for the horticultural equivalent of the world's most perfect tiramisu. Even if I reused the raffia.
Now if you live in some horticultural Mecca where bagged earthworm castings are abundantly available at reasonable and competitive prices, then go for it. But if you're exiled in outer Siberia, and would rather save your pennies for even MORE new roses, then you might think about making your own worm castings. Or, to put it a bit more delicately, recruiting a labor force of earthworms to produce castings on site for you.
Anecdotal evidence suggests that one way to attract a multitude of earthworms into your garden is to dress the soil with coffee grounds. Worms seem to adore coffee, and are willing to relocate entire worm households and villages and even corporate endeavors in order to indulge in their morning lattes. (And surely I'm not the first person to observe that coffee grounds look suspiciously like worm castings and vice versa, though the significance of this similarity escapes me.)
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| Pink Knockout is a Shrub Rose that never stops performing, growing up to 4x4 feet. It is very resistant to black spot and other nuisance diseases, which makes it perfect for her humid environs. |
A prime location for gathering large amounts of free grounds could be your local Starbucks. They have a corporate policy of reducing waste by giving away free bags of used grounds to gardeners for the asking. Remote rural Siberians like me who don't have a local Starbucks (hard to believe, isn't it, though I'm sure it's just a matter of time) can ask around at other coffee shops. My favorite down here is a local chain called Mello Joy. (Doesn't the name "Mello Joy Coffee" just crack you up? I mean, what next, "Chamomile Jolt"? "Sleepytime Espresso"?) You can also ask nicely at nearby restaurants, convenience stores, museum cafes, or the cafeteria at work. The world is full of free used coffee grounds, if you play your cards right.
And don't worry about the acid content of the grounds, it's not an issue. While roasted coffee is fairly acidic, studies reveal that the acid is water soluble and thus is extracted during brewing. Used coffee grounds have an essentially neutral pH at around 6.9, and even have a significant buffering capacity when added to soil. So cast them about gleefully like confetti, and wait for those worms. Soon you too will be standing up to your elbows in delectable excreta.
Dear Mom:
Happy Mothers Day! I'm thinking about flying down to visit you next weekend. But I was wondering, did you ever manage to get rid of those deadly poisonous killer rattlesnakes that were heavily infesting your yard?
—Your Eldest Son in Vermin-Free Berkeley
Dear Berkeley Stranger:
Well hi there, sweetie! Long time no see. Yes, dear, it's safe to come visit now, the snakes are gone. Mike and I spent many hours raking and disposing of the bark mulch where they were nesting. Also, a huge stray orange tomcat who I've been calling Jubilee has recently taken up residence on my back porch, and he will not tolerate any snakes in the yard. Good fellow.
But like it says on our license plates (or it should, anyway): Louisiana Is Not For Sissies. Two of my rose beds are now heavily infested with intensely potent poison ivy. It's twining around my old tea roses like kudzu, and I'm afraid it's spreading to the other beds. But how the heck am I supposed to get rid of it without destroying either myself or my roses in the process? Also the fire ants are building massive mounds everywhere, and they seem especially vicious and aggressive this year. We won't even talk about the giant and ubiquitous West Nile mosquitoes. So come on down, but bring plenty of Benedryl. Life is just one big histamine adventure after another. Can't wait to see you!
Lots of love, Mom
Are you plagued by nagging questions about roses, gardening, love, life, excreta, or chocolate? Send them to Dr. Leda Horticulture, the woman with the answers.
