By Dr. Leda Horticulture, O. R.
August, 2005
Dr. Leda accessorizes her rose gardening wardrobe
with gleeful abandon...
My friend Greta has been taking a class in Feng Shui,
and a few weeks ago her homework assignment was to analyze
a residential dwelling. Even though I'm a burn-me-at-the-stake
heathen when it comes to Feng Shui myself, I cheerfully
volunteered my heretical house as her first patient.
Things were going well: Greta wandered from room to
room, scribbling notes and nodding with approval at a
stuffed owl (a creepily realistic Halloween decoration
from the late lamented Martha-By-Mail) perched in my
Knowledge Area, a bust of Shakespeare (you know, the writer?)
in my Career Area, a treasure chest filled to the brim
with shiny Mardi Gras beads in my Wealth Area. I even
have a working fireplace in my red-hot Chapel of Love & Romance
Area! I was beginning to think maybe I possessed a natural
flare for this Feng Shui stuff. But then we came to my
Reputation Area, and everything fizzled straight to hell.
(Continued
>>)
(Continued...)
The Reputation Area of my house happens to be in the
laundry room, which has a door opening into the back
yard so it does double duty as the unofficial mud room:
my customary place to leave muddy clogs or boots after
a hard day out slaving in the garden. But alas, it seems
I have somehow become the Imelda Marcos of funky gardening
footwear. Greta stopped in her horrified tracks and gaped.
For there stood row after mind-boggling row of compost-caked garden clogs,
soil-encrusted work boots, tall green (under the mud, anyway) rubber Wellies,
Shinola-covered cowboy boots, clunky lawn-aerating sandals, miscellaneous
mismatched flip-flops, and filthy old tennis shoes whose laces have been
missing since the Carter administration. It was a distasteful assortment
of practical but highly unattractive and way-past-its-prime footwear that
would have driven the long-suffering
Manolo to his hands and knees, sobbing for mercy and drinking gin straight
out of the cat bowl.
"Your Reputation Area," opined Greta, drawing a grim black X across that page
in her Feng Shui Book of Triage, "is hereby deemed unsalvageable."
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| "Sunshine
on a rainy day" - Raspberry Ripple Wellies |
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After she left, I stood in the laundry room and contemplated my seedy inventory.
Ok, I had to admit, it was a bit of a mess. But then gardening is a messy business,
and we serious rose gardeners do not flinch at a little bit of mud. (Nor,
for that matter, do we bat an eye at a slightly excessive collection.) Still,
something had to be done to salvage my moribund Reputation. And the answer, clearly,
was to go shopping for newer, cuter gardening shoes!
First stop: the fabulous and fun Wellie
Arts Shop. No longer are these
fine sturdy, water-proof boots available only in the traditional, dignified,
to-the-manor-born green. The Wellie Shop now carries a creative, imaginative
selection of festive, high-quality designer Wellington boots in a wide assortment
of unorthodox solid colors as well as totally whacked-out op-art prints.
The seriously fashion-conscious Wellie wearer can choose between Hot Chocolate,
Raspberry Ripple, Arctic White, Candy Splash, Zebra, Harlequin, Pink Tweed,
or McWelly Plaid, just to name a few. (Or, if you'd rather not choose,
just order them all--that's what I did.)
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| The Texas
Cowgirl Wellies |
|
Their most popular style is the Texas Cowgirl Wellie,
made from natural rubber but featuring a strikingly macho
snakeskin pattern and amusingly shaped exactly like a
western boot. Another big hit is the charming and lovely
Lavender Wellie, whose proceeds benefit the Lavender
Trust, a UK charity that raises money to fund information
and support for younger women with breast cancer. (I
can't help but notice that these would be the most utterly
perfect boots for mucking about in a bed planted with
'Ebb Tide'
and 'Wild Blue Yonder.')
Next stop on our shopping itinerary is the Original
Muck Boot Company, which produces an intrepid selection of good-looking,
tough, rugged, easy-to-clean, 100% waterproof footwear for lawn and garden,
hunting and fishing, farming and industry, equine and pet care, or even just
splashing around carelessly in rain puddles because your mom's not looking.
Muck-wear is perfect for any exhilarating outdoor adventure where you're bound
to get dirty and wet and make a shamelessly disgraceful mess of yourself.
The Muck
SuperClog is comfortable, durable, ergonomically contoured, lightweight
and buoyant (so if you fall in the pond, they'll float), and it comes in five
cheerful, attractive colors: white, yellow, forest green, navy, and red (most
visible floating in the pond).
The Muck
SuperSandal is also comfortable enough for hiking hither and yon yet durable
enough to work in unthinkably untidy outdoor conditions. It has a molded one-piece
construction with a cushioned, supportive ergonomic footbed, and is available
in the tastefully understated dress-for-success colors of Banker Charcoal,
Lawyer Navy, or Stockbroker Forest Green.
The Muck
Scrub Boot is a cute little stain-resistant boot for those really nasty
home & gardening jobs (like spreading foul-smelling alfalfa tea and chicken
manure around your previously fragrant rose bushes). There's a nifty rear
ledge for hands-free removal (so you can just knock them off in your mud
room when your hands are full of freshly-cut roses), and a multi-ribbed tread
designed for traction on steep terrain (to prevent you from sliding down
into the pond again). The Scrub Boot is available in both women's and men's
sizes (what a perfect gift for the gamekeeper!) and comes in traditional,
dignified, to-the-manor-born green.
The Brit
Middie is a handsome no-nonsense black slip-on
shoe designed and created specifically for walking
or working in muddy or dirty conditions. It features
a kick-off lug for easy removal (the mud room!), a
wide cut heel base for stability (the pond!), and a
seamless, rubber overlay that's quick and easy to clean
(the Reputation!).
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| Whimsical
See-through Waterproof Boots |
|
Next, for a taste of something a little different, you
might enjoy showing off your colorful hand-knit socks
(or, on those sweltering summer afternoons, your perfect
pedicure) while gardening in these whimsical see-through
waterproof boots, conveniently available from the crafty
make-your-own-socks folks at Lion
Brand Yarn. Don't they look like fun?
And finally, to complete your glamorous new gardening
ensemble and Reputation Area, do pay a visit to Stephen
Jones Millinery for a quintessentially English
collection of batty gardening hats, tea-party toppers,
half-timbered motoring caps, and other charmingly misplaced
creations. They're all handmade, and claim to be inspired
by "seasonal and seasoned institutions such as the Chelsea
Flower Show, the Royal Academy, Ascot and even Queen
Charlotte's debutante ball, sadly defunct since 1958,
when Princess Margaret famously said, 'We had to put
a stop to it, every tart in London was getting in'."
As that late great rosarian the Queen Mum always used
to say whenever she dropped by for tea: There's nothing
quite like a U-Haul full of stylish new fashion accessories
to increase your summer rose gardening pleasure. Go forth
and enjoy!
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| Quintessentially
English Batty Gardening Hat |
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